A Travellerspoint blog

Entries about motherhood

My Worst Mom Moment

37 °F

Today I had a real mom moment...one unlike any I have had in recent weeks, a total lapse of concentration. I set up a play date reunion in Seattle for one week before I got there. Everyone was there to see us today, and we don't arrive in Seattle until NEXT Friday. Oops. Apparently I cannot be trusted with planning, which is why I have officially passed over all confirmations of airline reservations, car rentals and the like to my husband, who although he doesn't get much more sleep than I do,apparently is more evolutionarily capable of handling it.

I was giving myself such a hard time over this mishap today...
until I realized, hello, I have so many things to juggle: work, family, groceries, food, writings, schedules, money, house, projects...

I find myself making a list, checking everything twice. I was actually feeling pretty good about keeping it all together until my husband reminded me of my OTHER worst mom moment, which came this week. We were rushing from Tahoe down to Reno to bring our son to the Children's Discovery Museum there. It is a great museum, full of art, education, nature, science, discoveries! So Bodhi climbs back into his seat, gets his video player, and his snacks I packed, and off we go. Several miles down the road I look back to discover that he was never snapped into his car seat. Instead of panicking, I lean back from the passenger seat and snap and tighten him into his seat. I can't believe I forgot. Even more surprising was that I took it in stride. Oops, my mistake. I recalled the only other time I did not strap him into his car seat. He was about 3 months old then, and we were on our way to my mommy's group (yes, the very same as above for mommy mistake #1) He was asleep, so I strapped him in but didn't tighten him completely. I was waiting until I turned on the car, to keep him asleep, but then I forgot. I noticed about three blocks from our house on a neighborhood road, and quickly pulled over, tightened him up, and sobbed for ten minutes. I couldn't believe I could forget something so essential. For someone so precious.

It seems as our babies grow up, we become a little more relaxed about making mistakes, and give them a bit more room to explore. I have been talking with my good friend Amy who just had a little girl, three weeks old today. I remember those first weeks, wanting to protect them from everything, Not wanting them out of your sight. Every peep was attended to, every second you want to be by their side. As Bodhi has grown, I find I take a step back. At first, I followed him as he crawled and climbed on the playground. Now I watch from a bit further away. I let him work things out, pick things up, try things on his own. But it's been a slow and steady process of letting go, of understanding that he is less fragile, more capable, and of giving myself a little more room for mistakes. When you have a baby, you feel you have to be perfect: meet every need right away, know exactly what your baby wants at all times, be ready to nurse at any hour, day or night. Now I realize that accepting my own flaws and mistakes will make it easier for my son to accept his own. Being your very best, and trying your best, is enough...you don't have to be perfect to be the best mom.

Posted by globalmomma 05:19 Archived in USA Tagged best baby tahoe perfect mom reno motherhood perfection Comments (0)

The Momma Funk

sunny 84 °F

If you are anything like me, this funk comes in fits and waves, like a malarian fever. One day you feel great, accomplished, energetic. The next you feel like something the cat dragged in...tired, groggy, heavy, dark. I blame it on our society - the need to do, strive and achieve, doesn't exactly lend itself to a full-time mothering position, where the epitome of your days occasionally lies in getting both baby sheets washed and dried by bedtime.

This week has been one of those moments for me, where the naps just don't seem to click, the days flow together, and the dark purple hue of my eyes reminds me how sleep-deprived I feel. This morning I was wishing I could just stare out the window and drink my cup of coffee in pure meditative silence. Do nothing. Until properly caffeinated. Now it is nearly noon, and I still do not feel awake, but at least during a nap, I have a moment to reflect and brew a cup of tea. This sleep deprivation explains my event obsession with caffeine: from Italian macchiatos to fresh tea leaves to Kona coffee pressed, I have discovered a new fascination with caffeinated beverages. We have been pouring over research for weeks on which espesso machine to purchase, before deciding on a DeLonghi we found on a discount site. Cannot wait until that package arrives and we begin experimenting with morning cappuccinos. When I open my sleepy eyes at sunrise, my first thought is to my toddler standing at the foot of the bed exclaiming, "Momma! Uppa!" (i.e. get up momma! or 'I am waking you up, Momma!'). My second thought is to how quickly I can make coffee or tea and then how fast I can drink it. I think this is the definition of sleep-deprivation that comes with the first few years of motherhood. Even though most nights he is sleeping through the night, the mornings still come surprisingly early.

The funk works as a strong antagonist to getting any work done, or even pursuing interests. Do I feel like surfing today? ugh, too tired. Running? Forget it. Art? Maybe just an iced tea, and reading a magazine on the couch. Soon the productiveness and the desire to be active will return, but for now, I will nap.

Posted by globalmomma 03:27 Archived in USA Tagged sunrise sleep baby kona motherhood tired lazy slump Comments (0)

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