A Travellerspoint blog


Those people...

sunny 82 °F

Utoh, honey...don't look now but we have turned into those people that we slightly sidestepped while we were a couple without children. Those people who gushed about how their child was a genius, and spent the first half hour of dinner babbling on about the latest news of their child's life...how he is being potty trained, and how amazing it is to watch him swim. Not that we weren't interested in kids, it's just that... Let's be honest - our kids are the most interesting part of our world, but not necessarily in everyone else's lives.

I remember what it was like before I had a child, to not understand why they became the center of a mother's or a father's universe. Yet now here I am knowing this, and meeting up with a couple friend of ours last night, I still could not keep myself from going on and on with stories and revelations about my son. I had no idea how much I would love my son, and I also had no idea how all-consuming it would be for me, even though I saw it become that for so many other women before me. I thought I was different, thought I could relate, thought I would still be trendy and talk about my own interests and ideas like book clubs and running marathons. Little did I know that most moms are just trying to button their jeans properly after a rough night without sleep, or are spending the better part of their days at the park watching their child conquer something new. They ARE the best part of our days, they are the most interesting thing in our lives - THIS is our new frontier, our new hobby, our new obsession: our children.

Posted by globalmomma 15:53 Archived in USA Tagged children park work obsession hobbies conversation Comments (0)

A few small words...

rain 75 °F

Everyday a few small words. Another sound, another light turning on. Our toddler's mind is expanding so quickly, I feel like I can see it moving, like the tectonic plates or water boiling on the stove, it takes on this kinetic energy all its own.

He has taken to now repeating every word I say (Repeat = danger). I say, Bodhi, lets go home. He says, "go home". I say, come here, let's paint. He: "Here" "Paint". You get the picture. The other day I was cooking something on the stove, and forgot it. I said, "shoot!" loudly, and he said, shoot! shoot! Now he regularly says, "no, no, no." just like that, in a sequence of three. I thought that was the oddest thing, until I heard MYSELF yesterday. No, no, no Bodhi, don't touch that. Ohhhh, so that's where he gets that. I also realized an annoying habit I have of saying, "how about?" before I ask him anything. Because the little parrot has been asking me, how bout? how bout?

How about a trip to the park? How 'bout we go to the store? Or if we are out, I ask him, how many steps are there Bodhi? So now, he says, on his own, "how many? One, two, three...how many?"

The point is that they mimic back our own habits, our phrases, our mannerisms. This can be good, or it can be bad, but it is always, definitely, enlightening. My awareness has been raised just by his constant mirroring of my actions. I try not to judge myself, or others, too harshly for this. He doesn't, he just calls it like it is. I am amazed by his perceptiveness and his desire to know the world. I am also humbled by my ever-striving desire to do everything right, and to say all of the right things. Impossible, yes, but a goal I cannot help but strive for. It is difficult not to want to be perfect parenting, when it is the most important job you will ever have.

Posted by globalmomma 14:59 Archived in USA Tagged education child perfect repeat learning parent growth words Comments (0)

the thought luau

Ahh, it's been a long time since I wrote anything, and I apologize. I have been hibernating thoughts, slow roasting them like an imu pit, in preparation for the feast that is some enlightened moment of writing.

Pardon me, I just had to pause from my thoughts and have a hissy fit, as a cockroach just tried to climb up my toe. ew. There is really no more despicable creature to me than a cockroach. They make my mind squirm. In fact, they just might be the sole impetus that drives me from the Hawaiian islands someday. They are that horrifying! well, them and the damn bird that whistles me awake at five in the morning...before my own alarm clock two year old sings me awake. I usually love hearing the sound of bird song...but not before the sun is up...and not THIS bird that chirps his little lungs out literally half a centimeter from our windowsill. Him I cannot really stand - in fact, I hear myself mumbling thoughts of violent nastiness while I toss and turn and throw a pillow over my ears. OK, enough about the wild critters that draw me back into my home each night. Back to my thoughts...

Soft rain is falling tonight, as it has for the past seven nights. It is a very comforting and soothing friend, the rain. I haven't really been near her for months. I haven't seen steady rain since leaving Seattle in April, and I am now able to see her strengths. Rain helps us to go inside, to get internal, to get real with facing your life. It is easy to be sunny in the summer, and easy to be outside yourself, enjoying time with other people, lavishing the outdoors, being open and exposed. But when the rain comes, there is no place to hide. We retreat indoors, to ourselves, to our core. So now, I turn to write. And I realize how much of my life is becoming full, with the busy efforts of chasing a toddler filled with energy to the endless attempts to establish myself and my practice here in Kona. I am feeling more and more scheduled, having to check my calendar and make plans weeks in advance. I am starting to live a life that is at least somewhat playing into the future, with a forward momentum that is both intoxicating and exhausting.

I try to stay in the here and now, but there are events and ideas causing me to push my brain ahead in time. It is a nice feeling, nonetheless to have a life rich in possibilities, as long as I continue to keep a portion of those plans in the optional category. It is when they become obligatory that life begins to feel constrained and forced, without the spontaneity of choice and discovery. I choose. Optional, functional, open. I enjoy the rhythm of my days lately, spent with park, pools, and playdates, work in between, and the small moment to ourselves whenever we can.

Posted by globalmomma 08:30 Archived in USA Comments (0)

The YES Word

Today I find myself musing about the deep power that our words have on the lives of others.
How do we approach other people, and how to we speak to those closest to us? Do we shy away, do we connect, or do we use our words to break down, to hurt, to discourage? I am always aware of how I use my words when it comes to my son, but not always how I speak to everyone else around me.

With my son, I intentionally try to be positive, to use encouraging words, to build him up, to encourage him, to guide him. Positive discipline is a subject term I came across just recently, while trying to learn new ways of coping with a toddler and his occasional defiance. At first, it sounded too simple, almost insulting and condescending to me. Positive discipline is about encouraging, not about denying your child something. Don't say 'no', say 'try this instead'. I slammed the book down in irritation. Doesn't this lady understand how frustrating a toddler can be? How you just want them sometimes to DO what you want them to do?! I don't want to redirect and be positive, I want to yell, 'Stop doing that? listen to your mother!' But after I had a few weeks to let the information seep into my psyche, I can tell you that I believe that positive discipline works, and that it is worth doing. And I can also tell you that it takes gallons of patients and likely years of practice.

Redirecting your child to a new toy, instead of asking him NOT to do what he's doing, or to stop what he's doing - it takes a lot more effort, but it seems to achieve the desired effect: child who quits playing with something he's not allowed to play with, mom who is not screaming and pulling her hair out trying to reason with someone who isn't making the connection.

Anyway, back to word power, here's what happened today. I brought my son Bodhi to the park around 8:30 this morning. We were the only ones there, so he had full run of the whole area. In typical fashion he set his mind to one particular section - this plastic climbing wall. For one hour, he climbed up the wall, and then back down - beaming at his success. But the BEST PART was when he climbed to the top... He turned around and looked at me, standing as a spotter below, and screamed, "YES!". First time, I laughed out loud. "Yes! Good for you, Bodhi, you did it!" I said in return. After the third or fourth time though, I recognized the power of these words. "YES", he said, again and again. An affirmation. Yes, I can. Yes, I did. Yes, I will.

Many toddlers begin to say "No", as a way of using their power, and defining their wills. I am sure my son will say No many times in his life, but I am so happy that he has first learned the word Yes. Hopefully it is because I tell him Yes to the things he wishes more than I tell him, No, he can't. Our words have power, and that power ripples through all areas of our life.

Yes is empowering, it is optimism, it is encouragement to explore, to create, to act. It is connection and support. No is separating, it is discouraging, it is inhibiting. It can tear down and disappoint.

In my opinion, one of the blessings to being a parent is the ability to partake in molding a young person, being able to support and nurture a new mind, a new soul, and give them the basis for a wonderful life. In this way, quite possibly the most important thing we can do as parents is to nurture and develop our children's self-esteem. Helping them to be independent, intelligent, kind, successful, wholesome, whatever else we hope for, it all seems to flow from this basic skill of having a good solid foundation of self-worth.

I try every day to build my son's esteem, but not always to positively affect others, or even my own. I have decided that in seeing everyone else with the same compassion and mothering instinct as I see my own child, I can begin to relate to other people as I hope others relate to my son. With kindness, and support. With words of positivity. Giving everyone the benefit of the doubt that I hope comes back to me. It is sometimes the hardest to react with loving kindness toward the ones we are closest to, because they get the heaps of our own stresses and anxieties poured out to them. It is a force of will to choose to stay positive, and to try to uplift, even when we ourselves do not feel uplifted. It is difficult to give and to support when we feel depleted, but this giving and doing for others, this outflow of our love and kindness is the fastest way to feel love and support in return. Raising the happiness quotient of all people is a desire that I find I have to recommit to each and every day. But most importantly, I can affect those closest to me by being more patient, reacting with kindness, and saying the yes word more than I say no.

Posted by globalmomma 05:36 Archived in USA Tagged park yes hope exploration kindness Comments (0)

The Amazing Brain of a Two Year Old

semi-overcast 81 °F

I am watching my almost two year old with awe. He is putting magnetic letters on the refrigerator as he names each one in turn: R, M, Q, D. We just bought these magnets last week to encourage his rising fascination with letters and numbers. He has spent a little over a month reading books, looking at cards, pointing at signs, absolutely enthralled with LETTERS. We will be at the beach, and he will run over to the sign that says, "PLEASE KOKUA KEEP OUR BEACH CLEAN" and point to each letter. He asks, Momma? I tell him each letter, again and again until he is satisfied he comprehends.

I am not entirely sure how extraordinary this is, but to me, it is possibly the most extraordinary thing I have ever witnessed, watching an individual gain a grasp of a language. I knew he was interested in letters, and I knew he was starting to get some of them and recognize the patterns, but I tested the extent of his knowledge last week. I asked him, where is the B? He points right to it. Hmm, that may have been a lucky guess. Where is the Z? Points right again. And makes the sign for Z. OK, how about N? Points. N, he says. I went through each letter of the alphabet, and he did not make a single error. He recognizes them all.
By this week, not only does he understand them, he can say all but 4 of the letters, and he can sign all of them in ASL (American sign language)
People stop me and ask me, did you do that program, your baby can read? no, I tell them, I didn't do anything special. This is all him. This is his self-directed learning. In fact, I wish he wouldn't push himself so hard. I don't entirely understand this desire he has to know, know, conquer.

I wish I had read more books about childhood development. I wish I had more of a concept of how their brains soak up information and integrate it into their awareness. I know my son has a somewhat one-track mind when it comes to learning. If he has an interest, he will focus on something until he gets it. Already at 22 months, he can count and sign to ten, say and sign his letters, and is starting to read and recognize words. I do not know how this kid does it, or even what to do to encourage it. He does it on his own, I just follow along. I bought him an etch-a-sketch for a plane trip in February. While trying to come up with a game, I started drawing things, like a square, or a letter, and he would name it. Now, he wants to do this game everyday.

His language skills are exponentially growing each week,and I find it difficult to keep up with his growth, but find it so incredibly inspiring and miraculous, how much he is able now to communicate and how much more he can understand. It somewhat parallels my experience with the German language. I studied German for 10 years, throughout high school and majoring in college. I studied abroad in Vienna Austria and gained a confidence with the language and my ability to communicate. I was like a child with the language, not getting deeper concepts, but able to get my point across with growing ease. Now that the past 10-15 years I have only had fleeting yearly visits to Europe and short conversations with people in German, my ability to speak has declined markedly. When people hear me speak, they do not guess that I am fluent. Yet, I still understand almost every word, and definitely can understand a movie or a conversation in German. I use this to understand that although my son cannot always tell me things, he knows far more than I am aware he knows. When I take time to test that knowledge, each time, I am shocked that he knows it all. If I ask him to bring me the letter H, he does. If I ask him to pick out 3 books, he does. Ask him to choose an outfit to wear, and he emerges from his room with a shirt and shorts. Wow. When we take the time to really think about what is happening with a toddler, and appreciate what they are doing everyday, there is no doubt in my mind that all of my time spent with him is the most important part of my day.

Posted by globalmomma 02:41 Archived in USA Tagged language development toddler brain intelligence learning growth fluent Comments (1)

Top Ten Reasons Not To Buy:

Lately, I have been consumed with the idea of buying a small place to call home on this beautiful island of Hawaii. I would love a place of my own to decorate, to paint, to landscape, to rent out or dwell...BUT I recently had a realization that there are plenty of reasons also NOT to buy a home.

Here are the reasons I am satisfied not to be a homeowner:
(1) No expenses for extra maintenance, like when our dishwasher broke last week or the plants needed a new irrigation system
(2) No concern over condo fees or upkeep
(3) No stress over rentals and reviews from renters
(4) No need to hold down a steady salaried job to get loan approval
(5) Not having to clean everything perfectly...I subscribe to a 'good enough' policy with a rental that wouldn't be so lenient if I owned
(6) Not having to stress about it if your child steps on a plant or breaks the window blinds, because hey, it's a rental
(7) Not being 'under water' on a mortgage
(8) No late night worries about the worth of your investment
(9) Flexibility to move anytime, go anywhere
(10) Freedom

Posted by globalmomma 12:28 Archived in USA Tagged home rental mortgage ownership advantages Comments (1)

Picky Eater, Part 2

WAYS to get your child to eat more healthy foods and drive you less insane!

semi-overcast 79 °F

I have found as Bodhi becomes more mobile, now 22 months old and always on the go, he does not want to sit down and eat. Breakfast is OK, lunch difficult, dinner nearly impossible. What he wants is for me to follow along behind him carrying snacks, and when he reaches back, I will hadn him a few pretzels, a pack of raisins, or a few apple slices. I know grazing is good for you, but this is ridiculous. And I am embarressed to admit that I have resorted to this method on several occasions, just to get him to eat something, when he refuses to climb into his highchair. Meals have now become a lesson in negotiations and patience. Wanting him to eat something healthy, and wanting him to try what I have spent time preparing for him produce anxiety that I just am not accustomed to feeling. I find myself pleading a lot..."Please? Can you try this?"

"Yum, it's sooo good, Mama likes it!" "Please?" The airplane spoon and other such techniques simply no longer work. He wants control over this process. I want to let him decide what to eat, but dammit, I want it to be on my terms too. I believe in providing variety and letting your child try a lot of different foods, spices, and preparations to expand their tastes and experience of food - in theory. In practice, however, I find it leads to a lot of uneaten food and unnecessary prep work. Oh, and many pieces of food swiped onto the floor. Equivalent to frustration for momma.

I have heard that this is a part of toddlerhood and that the pickiness will pass. But when we go out to a restaurant and I have to order him french fries, because I know it's the only thing they have that he will reliably eat, I can't help but feel a little sense of defeat. This momma-baby food drama is definitely one area I have had to work on, and one I continue to remind myself to have a sense of humor about. Hey, I grew up eating McDonalds french fries,and I turned out fine :) My child has only had fast food one time, while stuck in an airport in Paris; he had such bad diarrhea that I or he will never do it again.
As I work through this challenge and try to get healthy food into my child, I will share some bits of sunshine and some lessons learned, to help other moms encountering toddler food strikes...

Here are a FEW TIPS I have learned along the way:

(1) EAT EARLY - when my son eats at 5-5:30, he's more likely to eat what we give him. It's important to eat at a regularly scheduled time, kids do SO much better with routine. If it gets too late before we have food on his plate, he gets fidgety and tired and that tiredness makes him less agreeable to try new things or sit still to eat.

Start with the foods YOU want them to eat (example, steamed broccoli and roasted carrots). Provide a dipping sauce or two if necessary. Then move on to adding things you know they will eat, like turkey sausage and olives in our case. Finish with fruit or yogurt for dessert. In my experience, if you even make the suggestion for fruit, the rest of the meal is not happening. No sweet things first.

I know this is controversial. In fact, I thought my family would be like the Cleaver's, but not while our child is this young. Our son Bodhi has to eat early, and his dinner only lasts for about 20 minutes. So we find when we try to eat together, that my husband and I feel we are frantically shoving food into our mouths while trying to make sure our son doesn't unbuckle his booster seat and climb out. Our family's way: HAPPY HOUR. Bodhi eats his food. We sit with him, make conversation, have a glass of wine and antipasti. A snack and a drink. It has the same effect as 'eating together', but we still get a relaxing dinner atmosphere after he has gone to bed. And keep our sanity.

I know, I know, watch the sodium. But for our son, you add soy sauce to rice or veggies, and he gobbles them up. Enough said. Best ever is "gomasio" - the sushi spinach rolls - our son loves them with the salty goodness an they have about a pound of fresh spinach per roll! He gives all other greens the evil eye, so this was a big victory for us.

My best secrets for this are veggie burgers, hiding vegetables pureed into pasta sauce or in smoothies or popsicles that we make by hand, both of which my son loves to have. There are also some wonderful products by dr.praeger called spinach pancakes or broccoli pancakes - they are potato cakes with vegetables, but my son loves them plain or with applesauce.

I have heard time and time again that it can take up to 15 times for a child to "like" a food. That means that he rejected it 14 times before accepting it. Apparently the researchers in that study had much more patience than I. I prefer to keep offering the healthy things that he likes, and to try one or two things a week that are new, in hopes we find a new winner.
(More on food allergies and how to cope with them - and our baby food global cookbook! - in picky eater, part 3)

Posted by globalmomma 14:27 Archived in USA Tagged food family tips meals go mobile patience allergies sensitive todler picky Comments (0)

the parenting manual

sunny 82 °F

Every mother of a toddler grieves the process of their little baby growing up. We miss the cuddles, the way they ate everything we put in front of them with enthusiasm, the way they thought we were the greatest thing ever. We long for the days of being able to browse in a bookstore while our little one snoozed in their carseat, or contently chewed on a little rubber giraffe. I remember when we had our firstborn, exhausted parents would tell us, "go out now, while you still can." We thought, what?! Going out to eat with a baby isn't so easy - you have to haul a giant diaper bag (which you prepared in advance), a stroller, several kinds of baby food, and a car seat into a restaurant and hope your baby didn't wake up or poop through their diaper or cause a scene. Little did I know that two years later, I would still have those same concerns, and generally have a harder time making my wishes come true. Now a two year old has a much more developed sense of what HE wants to do, and what he thinks is a good idea. You may think going out to pizza is the greatest thing ever, and when you arrive at the restaurant, he stubbornly digs in his heels, shaking his head, no no.

This is all very perplexing for a mother, and certainly takes a lot more finesse and compromise and inventive thinking than life with a baby. I am humbled by the realization that as one phase begins to get easier and I seem to figure out my child and myself, another phase and development comes along that completely throws me for a loop. I have discovered that parenting is one giant drawing board of trial and error for which the manuals are dramatically ill-equipped. Parenting is like putting together Ikea furniture - there are illustrations and there is some understanding of what the finished product should be like, but getting from here to there often requires some tools that you do not have. Picking up those tools as you go along is the whole key to the puzzle. The current tools I am working on are "choosing your battles", knowing when it is important to make a stand, and the art of letting go. Letting go of the baby that is now becoming a boy, and letting go of my need to be right and to have plans. Often my plans or desires are thwarted by the plans or realities of a little being who also has needs and plans and ideas. This should seem obvious, but when you are walking through Target trying to get your errands checked off for the day, and your son is vocally letting the store know that he is "all done" being there...sometimes you have to abandon the mission. At first I try to reason with him, "just five more minutes, OK, momma has something she needs to get done". "Seriously, you need to stay in the cart and wait". Hmm, this does not seem to be getting through, I think to myself. I try distraction. I try promising a trip to the park. Finally I decide, 'is getting a tube of toothpaste really worth the trouble?' And I leave a half-full cart and head home.

This challenges my sanity, because I want to be able to reason with a child, to let him know of course that I have needs too, and sometimes he has to allow me to get things done. Yes, that's what he needs to know. Hmm. Problem is, a 2 year old is not yet able to reason, so as well as I may think I explain myself, what he hears is close to the Peanuts adults saying, "Whnt whnt whnt". That's where the letting go, and the choosing of the battles comes in. Oh, and the sense of humor. I expect that sometimes my desires will not get met, and sometimes even the best intended plans do not work out. This is all an evolution; and like everything in life, the more you can learn to let go and embrace the process, the better things will be.

Posted by globalmomma 14:49 Archived in USA Tagged sunny go manual toddler needs parenting letting Comments (0)

Picky Eater, Part 1

overcast 77 °F

My son Bodhi has always been a good eater. He latched on in less than an hour after birth, and took to nursing with a zealous flair. The kid knew his #1 priority, and he took it seriously. When that milk (me) came home even ten minutes late from the store, he would let me hear it. We followed the rules, breast milk only, but by 5 1/2 months, we decided to give him his first food just a little earlier than the steadfast recommendation of 6 months. He seemed so ready. He seemed hungry. He whined and reached for our forks while we ate. He wanted to nurse - almost always - just as the food was ready and put out on the dinner table. My husband would be cooking, the smell of food was in the air, and just as the food was finished and hot and I was ravenous, he would want to nurse.

We gave him his first food, avocado, and it was a moment I will never forget. "Mmmmmmm". "MMmmmmm", was his emphatic response to that. He gobbled up three bowls. 3 bowls. Not three teaspoons, as I read was the 'appropriate' amount for babies this age to want to eat, like the baby books will tell you. He literally ate an entire avocado... My husband and I laughing out loud the entire time. The only food he rejected in the entire first year of eating was green peas. And we tried a lot: beets, rutabagas, swiss chard, white beans with olive oil, lamb, basil, curry, olives, turkey, millet, apricots, pumpkin...

Anyway, as a baby, he was an enthusiastic eater. But that has all turned on its head this second year. Since he started wanting to feed himself, the options of what he can eat narrowed somewhat. Some dishes were just too messy or too difficult for him to eat himself. No more beets, no thin purees, no good healthy veggies disguised by the sweetness of fruits. So we went to finger foods, but then all meats were out due to textural issues, and all eggs too, except for hard-boiled egg whites. A protein dilemma. And almost all vegetables - except carrots, yams, corn, beets, and potatoes - (the starchy ones) - almost all others he rarely eats. Even avocado, his long-time favorite, is now rejected.

To add to the challenge, we have discovered a number of food allergies, two of which are a real doozy when trying to:
A) eat out at restaurants
B) keep things exciting and maintain variety
C) not spend his entire college fund at specialty stores

Wheat and Cow's Milk are his two sensitivities. Whenever I tell other parents this, they always ask: How did you know? Well, first, my husband and I are both naturopathic doctors, so it is literally our job to know these things. Secondly, careful observation of signs and symptoms related to foods he eats. Many people do not think to correlate the food that they eat with how they feel: headaches, skin allergies, mood swings, fatigue... all of these symptoms and more are OFTEN correlated with food and sensitivities to foods. For our son in particular, it was skin allergies (eczema) and diaper rash/diarrhea. Every time he eats dairy, he gets diaper rash. I don't believe that babies should just have diaper rash - in my medical experience, it is almost always a food sensitivity, sometimes coupled with a sensitivity to products being used, for example the wipes, lotions, or diapers. More on the naturopathic diagnosis and ways to deal with food allergies (now a major focus of my work!) in Picky Eater, part 3. :)

Posted by globalmomma 13:09 Archived in USA Tagged food child baby foods first tips eater allergies parenting picky Comments (0)

Mom Jeans

I am happy to announce that by next month, I will officially be retiring my pair of 'mom jeans'. You know, the ones purchased for short term use two months after having my son, when I was all done with wearing workout clothes and not being able to work out. I concede an extra size. By six months, thanks to a regular jogging and my home wii workouts during naps, I was back to my former self, back to cute jeans and exercise. Wow, the baby weight came off pretty easily, I naively thought. However, I didn't realize just how much of that had been due to the body's hard work of lactation. Making baby nutrition is hard work! Turns out my 3 miles 3x a week didn't really cut it, and actually, eating my way across Italy for three months didn't help either, and here I find myself back at square one, back in my mom jeans. It's cute when you have an infant and looking frumpy and disheveled is part of the game, and the charm of that brief moment in time. But now, those extra pounds have to go. A week on an all-you-can-eat cruise did not help my crusade, but now that I am back in the land of beaches and sunshine, it's time to get moving.

I challenge any of you other moms to join me in dropping 5 pounds in 6 weeks. Moms should feel desirable, stylish, confident. Lord knows we don't get our beauty sleep, so we can use all the help we can get. As a doctor, I know that poor sleep also contributes to weight gain, so one of the first things I tell people who are trying to lose weight is to sleep more! Then not only can we help our biochemistry, but we also have the energy to move more. So, rest more and move more, moms!! Every woman needs a little glamour in her life. That is why at the end of these six weeks, I am treating myself to one of those ridiculously priced pairs of designer jeans. (I highly recommend a little incentive) Here's to us moms, trying to get a little time for ourselves, trying to be the women we want to be every day.

Posted by globalmomma 05:43 Archived in USA Tagged change designer health weight loss jeans Comments (0)

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